Q: Who the heck is this Shekky Goldman guy, anyways?
A: Only one of the greatest comedic talents to grace the last or any other century. Where've you been for the last fifty years boychick , Lower Slobovia?
Q: OK, if he's so great, what's he been in?
A: Well, in addition to a stellar career in Las Vegas nightclubs, he's been a guest star on several TV shows, including F-Troop and Get Smart.
Q: What about the rumors that Shekky's a Vampire?
A: Well, that's just nonsense. Everybody knows that vampires, like leprachauns, are extinct. Seriously, where do you guys come up with this stuff?
Q: Well, how do you explain the fact that he has never been seen in daylight?
A: As a young man, Shekky had to learn to hide from the Nazis in the Warsaw ghetto. The only safe time to go out was at night. After the war, when he moved to the United States, he worked in the night clubs, and the time change stuck. He's most comfortable staying up at night, entertaining his legions of fans.
Q: What about the way he never seems to age?
A: Good genes.
Q: What's the deal with Dick Clark?
A: We really don't know. For some reason, which Shekky won't explain, the two just don't like each other. My personal theory is that it might have something to do with Dick's alleged support for the Nazi's during the war.
Q: What kind of cigars does Shekky smoke?
A: According to Shekky, any good Cuban cigar will do (he has a "guy" who brings them into the country for him), but lately he's been smoking Arturo Fuente's "Curlyheads". ¡Muy tastimos!
Q: Cuban cigars? Doesn't he worry about supporting a dictatorial regime which opresses its own people?
A: Straight from the horse's mouth: "Look, if those people want to live as slaves, that's their business. Let 'em. But it shouldn't get in the way of a good smoke. Now, if they want to be free, let 'em rise up and butcher Castro and his cronies. I'll be the first one to send ammo to help. Might even go down there and crack a few heads myself..."
Q: How about the message you're sending to children with your incessant cigar smoking?
A: Again, from Shekky himself: "Look mac, if you're kids are looking to me as a role model, you've got bigger problems to look forward to than just their smoking. Fact is, I'm not gonna give up my Cohibas or my Martinis just because you decided to reproduce. You and your kids are just gonna have to get used to me. I was here first."